Welcome to the Jungle
(Episode 2 of “With love, Meghan” - Welcome to the Party)
I know all these episodes are streaming now, and apparently Season 2 has been approved (I don’t remember where I heard that so don’t quote me), so I’d better get to it.
Mindy Kaling is going to be in this episode, and I kind of wonder why she agreed to it. Her basketball show “Running Point” was surprisingly pleasant. Are these guests paid? I mean, it’s no big deal for Mindy but Daniel the MUA needs a bigger kitchen.
Hey, OK now. The show starts with Meghan out in the garden, wearing some pretty cute green overalls, plucking blackberries from a blackberry bush and placing them into a wicker basket. Maybe Meghan’s sense of what is proper comes from watching Jane Austen movies? Where’s the big hat? Maybe in the next episode she’ll get out her pianoforte.
I’m really just writing this to amuse myself, aren’t I.
When I was a kid, when our very sweet neighbors Mickey and Ed went out of town, they would ask me to help out by going into their yard and harvesting their eggplant and berries. I think they also had tomatoes. Anyway, those blackberries were so tasty even though the bushes were covered in ants. I can’t remember if they paid me but I know I ate a lot of blackberries, n ants, and 0 eggplant.
Later when I was older, I taught myself how to smoke cigarettes behind their garage.
Oh it’s an apron not overalls. Never mind. I’m mildly disappointed.
Some voice from somewhere speaks to her, and that’s weird. Who is this guy? Later he comments about her preparation for Mindy as if he has somehow contributed to it. I think they thought this was fun and unexpected. Maybe it is.
Maybe it isn’t.
Meghan announces that her buddy Mindy is coming over, and we are now in another/someone else’s kitchen, which is super beige but looks expensive. I wish they had soapstone counters. They’re so pretty but I wonder how they stand up to use. Meghan offers another stranger off screen some coffee, and announces that she’s going to make a frittata to feed Mindy Kaling, using 8 to 12 (exact number to remain a mystery) eggs.
I kind of feel bad pointing out all the weird things I think she’s doing, but I feel like someone else on her team should’ve maybe asked themselves, “Who says ‘creamer milk’?”
She’s making French press coffee, which is how I make my coffee. I like just plain old half & half and a bit of sugar in my coffee, though, and please don’t bother pouring it into an old timey milk bottle; the little carton is fine. Thanks!
“My bacon brings all the boys to the yard. Love, Meghan”
I wonder if Meghan is charming in real life? I bet she is. Next season I suggest hiring some writers.
The frittata looks great but this seems like a lot of eggs for 2 people.
It’s parfait part-ay time!
Seriously: writers.
Mindy arrives.
Mindy and Meghan’s interactions convince me of just how awkward Meghan is. Mindy tells a story about receiving the 50th jar of preserves and considers out loud what significance that number holds in regard to her ranking among the important people in Meghan’s life. She even does a bit of internet stalking.
Meghan tells Mindy that she made 50 jars of preserves (“So I saved one out of fifty for my mom…”) so now Mindy knows: she got the last jar. There are 49 people ahead of her. Meghan could have made this funny but she’s so earnest. If any of this was actually real, I would’ve been offended.
Maybe they should hire Mindy to write the show.
She’s making Mindy eat standing up.
Meghan sets the agenda of the fake kids’ party (so that Mindy can fire her event coordinator) and one of the things they’re going to make is mint tea.
I guess kids in Montecito drink mint tea.
So: full confession: when my son turned 6 we had a huge party for him. I am not a party person, so planning this party took considerable effort on my part. We invited his whole class, and I hired a lego guy, and we had chicken wings, pizza, awesome salads from Lazy Acres, rented tables and chairs, a pop up canopy, and I will admit: it was a little bougie. I definitely had the same try-hard energy as Meghan.
Now Meghan has moved on to balloon arch time, and she shows a little clip of herself making one in the past. Harry’s voice makes an appearance. She’s holding like 4 balloons in her hand and when she tells him what she’s making, he says “Doesn’t look like much of an arch.” Maybe he didn’t mean to sound like a dick but my own experiences with this kind of comment makes me wince a little. It’s not done, sir, she has a lot more arch to make. Cool it, Henry.
Mindy and Meghan banter back in the kitchen but I cannot be bothered to comment on it and then they start making finger sandwiches for the fake kids.
The notorious Markle v. Sussex incident occurs at around minute 16, and, you know guys, I don’t know. I think all it does is show that Mindy is trying to relate to Meghan and Meghan doesn’t know how to do that. I think… I would’ve probably said something, too, even though it would come off as showing off. Maybe I would’ve said something off camera. So is that what this show is? A platform to remind us of who she is? Mindy goes with the flow but Meghan can’t really hang.
THE PRETTY BLUE AND WHITE PLATES ARE OUT AGAIN.
The “sweet little sandwich starters” aren’t all that impressive but whatever.
Meghan includes something in the guest bags called “manuka honey.”
OK, break time, because I need to know about manuka honey.
After a five minute Google dive I have learned that Manuka Honey comes from a specific place (New Zealand or Australia) and it has the name Manuka because that’s the name of the, native-to-New-Zealand-and-Australia, bush that the bees who create the honey pollinate.
After episode 1’s introduction to Meghan as some kind of honey maven, why the hell would she import honey from NZ or Australia? Couldn’t she make honey sticks at home out of her own local honey, pollinated by her own local bees?
This is not a scandal or controversy but it seems like a glitch in the thinking behind what’s being presented here. Meghan! Make your own goddamn honey sticks.
The bread she’s using to make crostini looks so good! And of the two times she’s mentioned it, once it was chevre and once it was goat cheese. I’m not keeping track, I just noticed it. I swear.
While explaining to Mindy why the being out in the garden and making pretty scenes in chevre is so important to her, she mentions her science teacher Mr. Ben. But Mr. Ben has died. This part was supposed to show her feeling something, I guess. I’m sorry, Mr. Ben. You deserved better.
Maybe Meghan can ask Josh to write a memo asking the President to issue a proclamation that it’s Mr. Ben Week? Day? (Shout out to my West Wing fans! Ha, as if anyone is reading this.)
Personally I would prefer tomatoes and basil on my crostini, thanks. No need to paint me a picture.
See, look. All of this seems so completely unnecessary.. You already have beautiful food. Is it not wiser to spend time coming up with ideas for what to top the crostini with than arranging little precious flower petals on them?
Each thing they’ve done today has been both basic, and painfully extra.
“Basic But Extra” is going to be the name of my band.
I mean, the petals are pretty! Mindy’s butterfly is adorable.
But I’m pretty sure that no one needs a lady bug/lady bird crostini. NO ONE NEEDS A LADY BUG/LADY BIRD CROSTINI.
Is the plural of crostini, crostini? Lego, Lego, sheep, sheep.
Are rainbows specific to gardens? I’ve seen rainbows in downtown LA parking lots.
12 more minutes.
Meghan’s list of things to think about when planning a kid's party sounds suspiciously like that “5 Things” exercise you’re supposed to do when you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed.
Michael cuts in to comment on the birds in the yard and Meghan states, “I love birdsong.” How funny, I love creamer milk! Why is this random guy talking to her?? Is this meant to loosen her up? It’s not working.
Coffee at a kid’s party is to remind the parents that Meghan is thinking of them, too.
Apparently there’s something wrong with the blueberries? Whatever, it seems like nothing.
Dude, come on. Show me a child who drinks mint tea.
God their little conversations are so tortured.
Meghan and Mindy change into some beautiful floral dresses and pumps and they meet up in the gazebo to party in the garden. Mindy’s dress reminds me of a dress I bought on the street during my one and only trip to France. This is NOT an insult, that dress was nice.
The conversation about how you can do this whole party on a budget and by reusing “things you found on Etsy” is totally ridiculous. Meghan’s tea set is lovely.
I would pay money to see Mindy Kaling make Meghan Sussex a frozen burrito in a microwave.