With love, Irene
(Episode 1 of "With love, Meghan" - Hello Honey)
Hey, so I didn’t plan on watching this show. I’m vaguely, perhaps more than vaguely, interested in the royals: I mean, I read about what Kate wore and when she gets to wear some old tiara or necklace, and I have an opinion on William’s beard and Charles marrying Camilla, and how badly the Duchess of Edinbourough (I’m never gonna learn how to spell it) dresses (she’s getting better)… but I don’t know, I’ve watched a lot of “lifestyle” shows in my time, from Martha Gardens and Martha Bakes and Martha’s Cooking School to all the PBS shows and Ina Garten and this one show I found on NHK where this British (?) woman visited all these artisans in their tiny villages all over Japan: it was so good, but I’ve never found it again… so I was thinking, eh, I don’t need another show like that. But this one’s a novelty because it’s Meghan and presumably a little Harry, and that seems kind of fun, no? I think they’ve done some good stuff, some stupid stuff, and some really stupid stuff but since none of it affected me personally, I don’t dislike them. I do not have hate in my heart for Meghan Markle. Oh, and I LOVED that white dress she wore when she and Queen Elizabeth did some event that involved getting on a train, I think it was Givenchy.
Look, I’d rather watch them on TV than many other people (it’s such a long list but includes the usual suspects), so I thought I’d do some blogging and some TV recapping just to get the feel of typing something other than instructions on how to complete all the forms one needs in order to file a workers’ compensation claim again.
So here we go.
Based on the title I bet a million dollars this episode is going to be about bees. And that’s cool, I like bees - only been stung once. Jules has also only been stung once, while we were swimming in our little blow up pool; he was probably 3 or 4. I didn’t realize it was a just bee at first because he was holding his belly and of course my mind went straight to “OH MY GOD HIS APPENDIX IS BURSTING.” It didn’t. I pulled out the stinger, gave him some ice and berries, and we were all fine again. Anyway, we are neither of us allergic to bee stings and so I say hello to the bees who live in the bush next to the driveway, just in case. It never hurts to be polite.
All right let’s get this party started.
It looks like this episode is 41 minutes, and right off the bat that seems… long. Longish.
OK OK, hitting play.
Oh, Meghan has a “bee voice.” How cute. She’s out in the yard with her? hives and a bee handler, and Meghan says, about the bees, “Oh they’re busy. Busy bees!” I think she just coined that phrase, I don’t know, maybe.
The words “good vibes” have been uttered and I’m… not thrilled.
I follow a bee person on Instagram, I can’t remember her name (she just had a baby, I think),
INTERRUPTION FROM THE FUTURE: The person I follow on Instagram is @girlnextdoorhoney! Check her out if you have a bee emergency and, I guess, live in San Diego. She also has a website: girlnextdoorhoney.com!
but she’s the person you call when the bees have decided to make their hive in like, your trash can. She takes great photos and gives good information, and I’ve learned more about bees from her little reels than I have from this show.
They’re opening the hives in slow motion with a Lumineers song (maybe?) providing the right atmosphere. Meghan’s bee dude seems to be giving us rudimentary information about the bees. “They have different roles.” What does that mean? Are they’re in a play?
Meghan gets philosophical about the weight of the honey in the comb and tries to connect it to maintaining good vibes (she doesn’t say “good vibes”) and staying in the moment of moments like this blah blah blah..
The bees are flying around but am I crazy? Are there no shots of bees near Meghan? She’s wearing a bee hood, but, oh whatever, I’ll stop nit picking every three seconds (Note from Irene from the future: I don’t). But seriously, I think they kept her away from actual bees? In a segment about bees that we’ve been lead to believe belong to her?
OK, we’re back inside now, and I think it’s for the best.
Meghan is about to start prepping the guest room for some guy who is coming to stay at “her house.”
I know it’s not her house. I don’t care. It’s a nice house or houses or garden or gardens. Well done, location scout.
Well, I’d love to have a guest room, anyway, and I’m sorry a three-bedroom house wasn’t in our cards. But I just watched, and I cannot tell you why, an Instagram Reel that showed a woman setting up her Airbnb bathroom and filling the bathroom drawers with stuff (lotion, sheet masks and I don’t know what else) and doing that annoying fingernail tapping thing on the boxes (not all ASMR is good ASMR), so I guess this is a thing? It’s annoying as hell, and also! There are better alternatives to sheet masks. I use one from Korea that comes in stick form like deodorant. No links to products for you because Bezos/Amazon. Also I have to find out where to get that mask now, don’t I.
Anyway, yes, guests need clean sheets and a room free of dust and cat hair, and I guess it’s nice to put the litter box someplace else to keep everyone comfortable, but this is OVERBOARD. Like, swim on out of the pool of doing too much, people.
Oh my god, she’s creating “moments” and those moments include "bath salts.” I’m pretty sure I’ve never taken a tub bath at someone else’s home. No, I’m sure. I haven’t.
Meghan’s bath salt concoction includes a sachet of dried flowers. I mean, would I hate seeing this in a guest room? No. But would I make use of it? also no.
I wonder if she’s wearing Princess Diana’s watch.
(That cheesecloth sachet filling the top of the mason jar bath salts looks terrible.)
The hollowed out piece of wood welcome thing looks pretty. I would’ve been happy with just flowers and maybe a book but I’m easy.
Hey! I love the paper bag microwave trick! We don’t have a microwave but I’ve done this at work! You don’t need to use corn on the cob, it works (better, from what I can see) with regular popcorn!
(I’ll spare you commentary on how she decanted some Trader Joe’s peanut butter pretzels from the actual bag they came in into a cellophane or plastic bag, which seems like a downgrade. The bow doesn’t make it better. And why is the bow beige? Is it supposed to be or actually is unbleached linen? If I absolutely had to get the pretzels out of the TJ packaging, I’d put them in a pretty bowl. Maybe reuse one of those little Bonne Maman jam jars. Here’s a tip for Meghan: do less.)
Oh my gosh I AM commenting on the peanut butter pretzel preparation. Peanut allergies are serious business. She should just ASK her guests if they have a peanut allergy or just avoid peanuts all together. There are other snacks. Many. I know.
Like all of us, Meghan thinks it’s cute that cut up veggies are called “crudite.”
Hey, I’m curious about the single skillet spaghetti. I make a lot of spaghetti!
Her pal Daniel is cutting the tomatoes and he says, “we don’t have to be precious, meaning, I guess that he’s not good at cutting tomatoes, and in response to this, Meghan says “We’re precise about this.” I feel like she might not have heard him correctly, because that seems kind of mean. Then he gets cut and yells “MEDIC.” Just kidding. A cool green bandage is applied by Meghan herself. I like it when someone helps with a bandaid. It’s nice.
Daniel compliments “her” kitchen, and it comes out that Daniel lives in an apartment without a counter in the kitchen! I know NY apartments are small and very expensive but she PAYS him to do her makeup and he must have OTHER clients, right? Is a NY apartment with a counter so far outside of the reach of a makeup artist who works with celebrities at Meghan’s level? I need to research this.
We’re 12 minutes in and I’m not buying any of this. Make the dang spaghetti, Meghan.
She’s multitasking! Boil the water while chopping the other ingredients!
Question: does water boil faster in a teapot on the stove than it does in a pan? Or was boiling it this way a way to get away with calling it ONE skillet spaghetti? One skillet and a teapot spaghetti sounds OK to me, in fact, remind me to name my band that.
Meghan makes it a point to tell us that her children do not eat “heaps of noodles” - why the fuck not, Meghan? What are they eating? Beef wellington?
So… a pound of dry spaghetti goes on top of the tomatoes and garlic and whatever else (I was typing) she put in the skillet. And… she hands a guy who cut himself within 30 seconds of having been handed a knife a rasp. (I have a better microplane. Just saying.) I hope this show has insurance. Say goodbye to your knuckles, Daniel.
Meghan makes a statement about citrus. And there’s some sort of special kale being used. It has a name: “lacinate kale.” Sounds fancy, Megs.
I used to make fun of Martha Stewart for describing each and every ingredient she ever used on camera as “the BEST.” I’ll take shit from Martha but hey, marrying a prince does not put you on the same level as Martha Fucking Stewart quite yet.
OK, I paused the show to find out what lacinate kale is and apparently it’s different from other kinds of kale in that it has a different texture, and is slightly sweeter. It’s also called dinosaur kale, which I think would’ve been a better choice in this application.
Meghan is slicing something that she doesn’t want to waste but I missed when she told us or showed us what it is. Did she tell us? It’s red. A stem, maybe? I don’t care enough to go back.
Daniel is putting a ton of zest in that pasta.
So we’ve got out the notorious Le Creuset now, and maybe I’m looking away from the screen more than most people, but I didn’t see an obscene amount of high end cooking vessels. Nobody ever comments on the insane amount of copper pans in Martha’s kitchen. I’ve avoided any show with Sandra Lee, but she’s obviously on a set. Giada De Laurentiis was in a different kitchen every episode, wasn’t she? Making a big deal out of her pans is really silly.
This spaghetti is coming together, and it’s pretty. I do like the kale and arugula in there. I’d eat this. I’d make this, but I’d prefer someone else prepare it, you know what I mean?
Meghan adds red chili flakes and The E Street Band starts playing a jaunty tune.
Watching people eat spaghetti is not my favorite thing to do.
Oh back to the bees! Bee dude tells us that Meghan’s honey is “local tapped honey,” but he doesn’t tell us what that means.
This honey looks dark and lovely.
Meghan has learned to appreciate honey because of the work involved in harvesting it, and that’s admirable, but when Branden Bee Dude refers to it as “high quality,” she absolutely glows. Branden knows what he’s doing. I hope he gets a big Christmas bonus.
Meghan says “sEEve instead of siv. IS THERE NO ONE ON THIS SHOW WHO KNOWS HOW TO PRONOUNCE THE WORD SIEVE?
Branden just told us that burning a beeswax candle “purifies the air.” Yo dude, is that true?? (ChatGPT says it’s a myth.) And then Meghan thinks that burning a beeswax candle will “pollinate the air.” I think there are a lot of facts missing from this bee segment.
Daniel and Meghan make candles out of the beeswax because otherwise why did we go through all that business of looking at bees and learning next to nothing about them? The two of them are awkward as hell; even the conversation feels like they’re strangers who just met on a train. I’m just gonna watch with no commentary. (My husband just handed me some Thin Mints).
Now Meghan is going to make a cake she told Daniel about which she cooked earlier without him but he gets to help decorate it.
There are lots of lemons needed, and the job of zester does not go to Daniel. Well, I stand corrected: Daniel handled a microplane with more skill than Meghan.
Daniel eats jam right out of the jar. When filling the piping bag, Meghan avoids using the word “tip” but calls the decorations they will put on the cake “decor.”
Meghan denies the need to be precious again, but “precious” is exactly how I would define how they have applied the “decor.” I’m not complaining, that cake looks amazing!
They make some pretty tea, and serve up the pretty cake on some pretty blue and white plates that I am about to get obsessed with.
Meghan recaps what we have just done and Daniel thinks that the basket with the snacks is his to take home. Is it??? (is he not spending the night in her real house?)
Montecito looks really beautiful—or wherever they are.